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Change, unlike shoes.
Change is most certain to take place. Whether abruptly or gradually, it is most certainly evidence of the evolution of SELF.
The direction the change moves in can either be forward, backward, an advancement or a regression but either way(s) it always starts from a point of reference.
Perhaps that point of reference can be seen as the brain. In which case the point of reference always changes since the brain holds the realm in which the MIND plays in. Or does it.
Perhaps that point of reference can be seen as the heart. In which case the point of reference always changes since the heart holds the realm of emotions that our attitudes towards things, stem from. Or does it.
Or is the reference point somewhere in between the heart and the brain?
It is of no importance where the point of reference originates. The essential thing is that you are aware of the change and of why and how it took place. Is it for the better, overall .. or will it lead you into a more darker place?
Upon acquiring my Powerbook G4 early this year, my time had been allocated to experimenting with all the digital adventures it would allow. I was lured into a world where the possibility of further connecting and expressing my ideas almost seemed to have no limits, other than the limit of my knowledge in operating them. It was well worth the time, effort and money (my opinion).
However, I have learned one thing. Wherever adventures take you, and no matter how far long you seem to have been gone, there is always a place or two that you can return to. Doesn't have to be a physical place, for even places seem to undergo changes in location as well.
For me, that place is a memory. A memory of a time when I first logged on to 20six and had discovered the world of blogging and of the bloggers that have become fixed friends in my life. Long live the memory.
Lol .. I'm not going anywhere .. I'm still here.
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4.8.05 23:27
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Podcasting arena ...
More expressive that blogging ... is the Podcast.
One can only use enough bold and italics and punctuation to help create the tone of a blog entry.
With podcasting, you get all the verbal and vocal intonations one can ever wish to include, just shy of vblogs.
It's an open market free for all.
Topics are there for the pickin' ... or rather, listening.
My podcast has a total of 4 episodes now and I'm finally getting the hang of it.
Truly, you are your own producer, writer, editor and sound crew.
The only thing is .. all of it is "one way" and the other thing is, you can be talking all you want, and no one may be listening.
Will podcasting soon replace blogging?
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6.8.05 15:31
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Here's the LINK! World's Collide!
Okay, okay. There's my REAL life world where I actually function as a semi working civilian. There's the astral realm where I often float around trying to orientate my self to what is up and what is down. There's the world I live in, in my head. There's the blogging environment where it's easy to express different sides of your personalities ;oP and then there's the AUDIO blog, VIDEO blog blah blah blah. Since a Video blog takes up too much file space the next step for me would be to branch into audio blogging or (thanks to Apple's iPod craze) podcasting. And I did. And I've posted about doing so .. and now I've obviously created curiousity amongst my 20six friends. Holy CRAP! I've really done it now. I admit that there will always be a bit of that exhibitionist in me and I often wonder whether my attempt at these new things aren't just another way of ... well .. being an exhibitionist .. (of the verbal kind, that is). I would LOVE to KNOW that people really DO listen to these podcasts .. as I have already resigned myself into thinking that this is just another way to deal with my bipolar ism. As I have always been one to lock myself up in my room when I was a child and sit in front of the mirror and talk to the reflection across from me .. as I still do, while driving, walking .. etc ... how can podcasting NOT appeal to me!!! You do realize that sharing the link to my podcasting blog would be like, stripping naked don't you? It's so much easier to hide behind the facade of words via blogging .. as opposed to exposing myself even more .. by having my voice heard by people who only know me by my blog(s). Can you just PLEASE REMEMBER that I am an Amateur and that the great thing about podcasting, like blogging, is that you have the freedom to say anything that comes into your freakin' whacky head, no matter how senseless or cold or mean or flighty or whatever it may seem? And can you also PLEASE try out your own Podcasting adventure! It really is fun! It would be great to have our own 20six Podcasting community - station .. where everyone has a podcast and uses their blog for people to make comments! What a grand idea that is. Okay .. here is the link: The Digital Femme PODcast
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7.8.05 16:27
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Another time for change ..
It is in the air all around us. All the possibilities and probabilities of living a magnificent life.
How do we catch it?
We do not.
We simply take a deep breath and fill our bodies with the idea that we ARE living that magnificent life.
We wake up everyday and make choices on what to eat, what to wear, where to go .. but one of the greatest choices of all is the choice of approach to simple every day things.
Today I woke up and chose the approach of HAPPINESS.
I will look at everything in my day as an opportunity for learning, for being humble and for remembering to enjoy the day that is given to me.
We are on this earth for only a very short time. I would like the rest of the time that I am here to be happy.
And you? How would you like to live?
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12.8.05 15:10
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Someone's Mother, My Mother ....
Gracie buried her mother this past Tuesday .. after a long fight with Cancer.
She is hurting and she says that her life, her heart and her being will never be the same.
Cyndi, our new Property Manager just found out her mother has liver Cancer.
She cried on the phone while telling me. I only called her to ask her what the pro-rated rent would be for moving in early. She told me she would get back to me next week, "I have a lot of things to deal with right now..."
My mother and father are flying down on the 20th of August from Canada to visit me for a week.
I was thinking how I am SO not prepared for this visit .. what with the move and all, the lack of funds and no place for them to sleep.
After awhile I realized that the ONLY important thing here is the fact that I HAVE a mother and a father that CAN visit me.
Everything else will be worked out.
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13.8.05 08:24
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Thru the eyes of Selfish ...
We are 4 in our family: Parents and two daughters.
Life has it that one lives in Toronto, Canada, the other lives in Houston, TX (me), and the parents have retired half across the world.
Every year the parents return to Toronto late May/early June and leave come September. They have started the routine of spending 1 week in Houston, usually in August.
My parents are arriving on August 20th, and will be staying with a week. This is good, for I have not seen them since my sister and I visited them last March 2004.
I found out my sister and her son are also coming down.
I got angry.
It's bad enough trying to find sleeping provisions for my parents, but having to accommodate my sister and her son makes it that much more challenging. On top of that, she was just here last March (again, at an inconvenient time). It's not that I do not want her to come, well, sort of. I just thought it would be quite nice to have the time to spend with my parents, alone. I was thinking that it would also give them a break from having to take care of my 4 year old nephew, as this is what they do when they visit Toronto.
I got angry because I thought my sister was quite selfish in wanting to come down, imposing on my time with my parents who I would only get to see for a week, while she sees them for 4 months out of the year. With my nephew coming down, the time spent with my parents will be even less, because a 4 year old boy demands a lot of time and attention from his grandparents, time that would've been mine. (He already spends 4 months out of the year with them - EVERYDAY!
I am seeing my sister as selfish for not even thinking about my time with my parents and their time away from her son.
I noticed just last week that the skin above my eyes were getting itchy. The itch has developed into dry, reddened skin that burns whenever I wash that area with anything other than water.
I've been putting aloe vera gel on my eyelids for 2 days now hoping to relieve the itch, the burn and the redness. Only slightly has it been able to be relieved.
This night, while looking at my face I remembered my sister having eczema behind her neck, underneath her ears, on her arms and particularly around her eyes.
Her eye area looks very much like how the skin above my eyes look, now.
I laughed.
Silly Universe.
My feelings of anxiety and anger and projected opinions of 'a selfish attitude' that I believe my sister to be unintentionally having are being manifested PHYSICALLY, near my eye area.
The eyes, being the point of view as I SEE it.
Perhaps, my sister is not being selfish at all. Perhaps her choice in coming down again is to spend time with me, together with my parents .. like it was, long ago. Perhaps she is doing this thru a loving act. Afterall, how selfish can one be, when one has to spend the cost of two adult plane fares, just to come down here.
There is obviously something I AM NOT SEEING here .. and until I see more clearly, the skin above my eyes will continue to itch, be red and burn.
Perhaps, it is I who is being selfish. OUCH. It is hard to admit it, particularly since I pride myself in being an empathetic being. (Isn't Pride a Vice?)
Hmmmmm ... I need to JUST BE.
The body is made up of 90% water. Thoughts projected outwardly and inwardly carry energy. The energy that is absorbed by the body, contains these thoughts. That being said, whatever is felt inward, can easily be projected outward, physically, and vice versa.
Be careful what you think ..... it will show up on your body as something .. like an itch, a burn or a reddened area .. maybe.
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14.8.05 07:21
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Internet Lay Off ...
I'm on an internet Lay Off.
Not of my choosing of course. This is only temporary until TIME WARNER CABLE finds the time to come over to the new place and hook us up. In the meantime .. I'm having baaaaddddd withdrawals.
Very, very, bad.
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18.8.05 04:03
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